A World of Splendid Bounders

Let us take a moment, dear reader, to consider the general state of affairs. In the grand cosmic lucky dip, this world of ours has ended up with two rather remarkable substances—Splendidium and Horridium.

These twin marvels, in the hands of those with the requisite knack, have the curious property of making the lifeless sit up and take notice. Splendidium, as one might expect from the name, leans towards the sort of animation that leads to charming banter with one’s hatstand and the delightful sensation of being awoken by a singing teapot.

Horridium, on the other hand, is rather more the sort of thing that results in one’s overcoat attempting to throttle one in the dead of night.

At some point in the dim and distant past—historians are vague on the particulars, possibly due to their unfortunate tendency to be murdered by their subject matter—Horridium's influence spiralled out of control.  Rotten blighters who'd become tainted by the stuff, commanded a positive swarm of shadowy creations that rampaged across the land, necessitating the hasty erection of magical barriers powered by Splendidium to keep them at bay.

The grandest of these bastions of civilisation, saved by their magical walls, is the city - The Big Smoke, a place where one may enjoy a robust Martini served by a tailors dummy, motor about in an automobile that may well provide conversation en route, and listen to the wireless which is likely to have its own opinions on the day’s programming.

All of this delightful living, however, hinges on a rather pressing issue: The Great Rampart that keeps out the beastly Horridium-charged rotters needs a steady supply of Splendidium, and that means that someone—preferably someone dashing, daring, and slightly less concerned with their personal safety—must venture beyond into the darkness and fetch it.

Enter, stage left, the Bounders—those plucky souls who take on this most perilous of professions. Among them are the Splendid, who possess the rare ability to detect and manipulate Splendidium, the truly remarkable are known as Splendid Bounders, those who can both locate the stuff and survive long enough to haul it back and manipulate it. If they can stop a horrdium inspired creation making off their head, the world is their oyster, or possibly something even more appetising. And that, dear adventurer, is where you come in.

Lest you think this a purely charitable endeavour, allow me to reassure you—the city, in its magnanimity, asks for only a modest 10% cut of your hard-earned haul to keep the walls intact. The rest, by golly, is yours to do with as you see fit. Whether you choose to sell it to the highest bidder, animate your personal effects into a lively household chorus, or merely keep a little tucked away for a rainy day, is entirely up to you.

As for Horridium-crafted objects, these must be turned over for study upon re-entry to The Big Smoke, though with the proper licensing from the Board of Prohibited Items, one might just have the pleasure of reclaiming that particularly sinister yet oddly charming walking stick that insists on hissing at passersby.

By and large, the finest of the Splendid Bounders hail from old aristocratic families, who retreat between excursions to their vast, well-defended estates, where ancient butlers and doddering aunts persist in the belief that a chap ought to settle down and do something useful, like marrying well or attending tedious charity luncheons. Not all, however, are born to this rarefied existence - some are plucked like rare flowers from more obscure lineages.

At the age of twelve, all children are tested for the Splendid knack, and those who show promise are whisked off to be properly educated alongside the offspring of the well-heeled.

Fortunes can be made, names carved into legend, and family honour either upheld or dashed upon the rocks of scandal. Of course, the demands of meddlesome aunts, uncles, and other assorted senior relatives are ever-present, ensuring that even the most intrepid explorer may find themselves dragged into a matrimonial scheme or a ghastly garden party when they least expect it.

And so, dear reader, the call to adventure stands. Arm yourself with wit, charm, and possibly an animated umbrella with a talent for fencing, and prepare to embark upon the most splendidly dangerous profession the world has to offer.

Splendid Bounders, Tally-ho!