UE: 'MISERY CAKE'
CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES:
Cannot be contained. If seen, evacuate the area until the 12am of the following day.
DESCRIPTION/EXTRANATURAL EFFECT:
The 'Misery Cake' as we've come to call it is an enigmatic and practically unknown entity that only comes around on birthdays. It seems to be summoned by the singing of the traditional "Happy Birthday" song, and will appear somewhere outside the vision of anyone who participates on a nearby surface.
Anyone who sees the cake feels compelled to put candles in it, make a wish, and then eat it. It seems to have a mind-altering effect because even those with dietary restrictions will become excited to participate. When the cake is cut a mouth seems to form on the surface. Eerily human-like. It will begin to use its mind-altering effects to convince anyone participating in the birthday rituals to do certain actions. Usually these are criminal or immoral in nature.
The cake doesn't always have a consistent appearance, but it will always externally look like a poorly-made birthday cake. In reports it has been described in the following manners
- A square birthday cake, white frosting with blue edge frosting that collapsed in some parts. The center lettering said "Happy Randi", written so large it didn't have room for the word "birthday".
- When the cake was cut it seemed the interior was all raw liver that spilled out.
- The taste was described as "coppery and acidic"
- It spoke of human flesh being the sweetest flavour.
- A round brown birthday cake. White lettering that said "Happy BirtÊ°day" the h was apparently forgotten and shoddily inserted.
- The interior of the cake was burned
- Taste was described as "like eating an ashtray"
- It encouraged immolating family members for a clean slate.
- A birthday cake made of teeth.
- The interior was teeth
- Taste was described as "teeth, I guess?". It was noted they couldn't be chewed and had to be swallowed whole.
- It just made chittering noises
No known method of containment has worked. Even if destroyed by any means it does end up reappearing the next time someone having a birthday is sung to as if nothing happened.
ADDITIONAL NOTES:
I am never setting foot in a birthday room. I think about this thing all the time.