[On a scrap of parchment, scribbled frantically during a quiet moment]
Finding Nyx again has brought up some troublesome memories. This is true. But if I'm really honest with myself, I find satisfaction in knowing they really are memories, not figments of my imagination. These thoughts might not be comfortable, but at least I know they're real.
The others are good people. They have their flaws and I sometimes find one or two of them more than a little sanctimonious, but I'm aware of my own jealousy when it comes to my judgment of others. Finding out that I am not mad has come with a storm of feelings. Now that I know my outlook is valid again, I struggle to fit it into the greater narrative.
Sometimes, that manifests in a desperate desire to show my worth and be noticed. I no longer wish to disappear into the Oldswoods to avoid the pitying stares of those who think me cracked. Now I want them to see me, so I am vindicated. My indignation at being cast aside as broken is sometimes difficult to control. Sometimes I try to bring the world down, so that they can see what it's like to be smaller.
And so, Nyx is that vital link that I needed. Somebody that I cared for from my earlier life, who believes me and wishes to help. Her tounge is as sharp as ever and it carves the fat from my overly indulgent mind. With her, I am able to anchor myself and this problem. It is something to be solved, and I have already made progress.
She believes that I should swallow my shame and pride. She says I should visit the library at the academy. She's right, of course, I've always known it. What childish impulse stops me from returning? What foolish worries? They were wrong, after all. Perhaps I wish to return once I have proof? Helikaon goads me by buying the writings of my rivals, even though it is drivel. But why care about that? My new found confidence could mean I learn things in that Library that I could never have dreamed of, even a year ago.
I feel that I am beginning to settle my mind, now. I'm still at sea, but I have something to cling to. I have a purpose and the promise of finding my family. The Titans are stubbornly blocking my progress. All this talk of dragons, gods in volcanoes and dysfunctional deities is just so much fluff. An argument that I have to sort out, even though it shouldn't have even been my business. I want Frona, Hekate and Kore. I have Nyx back, now.
And she's better than I deserve.