Confounding Curses and Chatty Chairs

The player characters find themselves on a boat en route
to the Island of Cursed Stuff. There, they meet a sentient
rocking chair named Charles who begs them for their help
to break the curse that’s, well, cursing everyone on his
island… hence the name of the island.
The player characters need to make their way across the
island, navigate through the Junk Forest, traverse the
Dehydrating Desert, face a sentient bridge over a canyon
that splits the land itself, avoid various traps, solve a bunch
of puzzles, and tromp through a wizard’s Dread Dungeon to
find the Soul of the Isle. Phew! These player characters will
have to work hard to earn their next level, that’s for sure!
Also, rumours upon rumours swirl about what the
mysterious Soul of the Isle actually is. Many on the island
suspect that it is this place’s genius loci. Once the player
characters find the Soul of the Isle, they’ll need to figure out
how to break the curse and save all the people and sentient
objects who live there.
This adventure is perfect for a group of 4th-level player
characters. And remember, the player characters can almost
always find a way to avoid a fight if they so choose.
I’m confused
There are a number of puzzles in this scenario. None of
them are overly complex, but some tables simply don’t enjoy
working out riddles and the like. That is absolutely fine. If
the players get stuck on any particular puzzle, or if you just
know your table aren’t big fans, the player characters can
discover the correct solution at any time with a successful
DC 15 Intelligence check. Whatever ensures the most fun
for your group is the right way to play.

The waves slap at the side of the boat as the vessel cuts
through the water, taking the player characters and a couple
of tourist groups out to the Island of Cursed Stuff.
The captain, her short hair stuffed under her hat, seems
strangely uneasy on the bobbing ocean. She hasn’t said a
word, not even to welcome the adventurers onto the boat.
A comfortable, unoccupied rocking chair sits in the middle
of the deck. Suddenly, it starts to shuffle along the planks,
clattering back and forth in what looks like agitated
pacing… or as agitated as a chair with well-worn arms and a
plush, overstuffed cushion on it can look, anyway.
The chair telepathically welcomes everyone on board and
tells them the following:

• On the Island of Cursed Stuff, all the people were
  turned into sentient objects, and all the sentient objects
  turned into people. For example, the talking rocking
  chair is the local tavern keeper who was formerly a
  tiefling chef named Charles. And, just so you know, it
  is NOT easy serving hungry adventurers without any
  hands or even paws!
  
• The captain used to be the boat, and the boat used to
  be the captain. That’s why the captain is a bit on the
  quiet side. She’s still not used to having a mouth to
  communicate with. She misses being in the water. The
  boat isn’t talking because he’s still not comfortable even
  being a boat, and it takes all his concentration just to
  sail around without crashing into things and sinking.
  All the people and all the sentient objects want to return
  to the way things were. No one really knows how to do
  their jobs anymore. On the island, society is collapsing
  from the conflict. To break the curse, they need the
  help of adventurers… adventurers just like the player
  characters! How convenient, right?
  
• The curse of the Island of Cursed Stuff is tied to its
  genius loci, a mysterious treasure called the Soul of the
  Isle. If any adventurers can break the curse, the denizens
  of the island have agreed that they can have the Soul or
  any other treasures they find along the way… as long as
  the treasure agrees to the bargain if it is sentient.
• Rumours abound about what the Soul actually is. Magic
  stolen from an ancient necromancer? A crystal ball
  that shows only mundane futures? A supernatural lens
  made of jade that focuses curses? No one’s sure, but it’s
  probably worth a lot of gold.
  
• The only one who knows anything about anything is the
  Witch of the Woods, a secretive woman with a curious
  amount of knowledge. Few have met her. Even fewer
  have survived.
  

It becomes clear that most of the others on the ship are
there to gawk at the sentient objects and maybe find some
talking treasure to take home with them. Breaking the curse
is not their priority. Charles the Chair notices he’s piqued
the player characters’ interest and focuses his attention on
them, hoping they’ll agree to help.

As they travel, the player characters can ask any questions
they like of Charles the Chair. And the journey can take
quite a while as the boat keeps getting off course or
accidentally going in circles.
Charles the Chair is happy to chat with the player
characters. He is clearly annoyed with the state of things and
misses his tiefling form. His former chef’s knife turned into
a goblin who now does all the cooking. And while he hears
the tavern’s food is mostly edible from all the people who
are former sentient objects and have unsophisticated palates
as a result, Charles can’t even taste it to confirm! A travesty
for a chef!
If the player characters can break the curse, Charles
promises to make them a lavish feast to celebrate.
Succeeding on a DC 10 Wisdom (Insight) check reveals that
Charles isn’t lying about any of it. He doesn’t know how
to break the curse. He doesn’t know what the Soul of the
Isle actually is. And he really will make a delicious feast for
whoever can break the curse… and it will be the best food
he’s ever made in his life.
When they make it to the island, Charles clatters his way
along the cobblestones and show the player characters to
the end of the village. There, he’ll point his rockers down a
road that, in the far distance, leads to rolling hills filled with
strange silhouettes.
That, Charles explains, is the Junk Forest. The Junk Forest
is not so much a forest as wide-open fields with cranky and
frustrated furniture and household goods that were once
people. They now rove in gangs and fight for territory and a
sense of normalcy.
It’s said that there are some in the Junk Forest who know
where the Witch of the Woods lives. The knowledge broke
their minds and drove them to abandon their homes in the
village. Those fields, however, have become a terrifying place
to the villagers, and Charles can no longer accompany the
player characters once they step outside the village. It’s just
too dangerous for someone like him.
Charles will then turn around and rattle his way home, his
telepathic “good luck” fading from their minds. The player
characters are on their

As soon as the village begins to disappear behind a small
hill, the silhouettes become more recognisable as groups of
large pieces of furniture, wagons, and various other sundry
items lumbering, rattling, and rolling over the fields and low
hills of the Junk Forest. Despite the wandering packs, the
sun shines down merrily. Wildflowers dot the landscape with
splashes of colour and waft their sweet scents over the fields.
Small, winged flutes and chimes, the island’s version of birds
and butterflies, flit about in the air. Before this was the Junk
Forest, the villagers called it the Picnic Meadows.
After a bit of walking, woven rugs with lovely, intricate
patterns appear on either side of the road. Succeeding on
a DC 14 Wisdom (Perception) check allows the player
characters to surmise that at least one of the rugs is more
than it appears and gives the player characters a chance to
ready an action.
Then one of the rugs attacks! This first rug gets a surprise
attack (unless the players readied an action). The rugs
aren’t sentient, but they are magically animated rugs of
smothering. There are half as many rugs of smothering as
there are player characters.
As the players are fighting or fleeing, a small collection of
tables, wardrobes, and chaise longues will come trundling
down the road. They have spikes nailed to their legs and
cushions and wear eye patches even though they have no
eyes. Bold splashes of paint mar their stained wooden parts
and even some of their fabric. They fly small flags, waving
in the gentle breeze, their black background emblazoned
with a stark, white Jolly Roger. This motley crew of furniture
looks like they came from the sitting room of someone with
an unhealthy obsession with the pirate cliché.
If the player characters do not defeat the rugs, the furniture
shoos the rugs of smothering away just before the first
player character gets to 0 hit points. If the player characters
are running from the rugs, the furniture comes to their
immediate aid, chasing the rugs off. If the players defeat the
rugs, the furniture eyes the player characters warily. These
inhabitants of the Junk Forest mention that the rugs of
smothering are pests plaguing the entirety of the Junk Forest
like vermin.
This group of furniture is the Gentlemen of Fortune, a
group of former harbour vendors who banded together
after the island’s curse turned them into various household
furnishings. Now they roam the Junk Forest reminiscing
about their time as people and trying to make themselves
appear as intimidating as comfortable, cosy home decor
can. There are twice as many pieces of furniture as there are
players. Each one has the statistics of a goblin.
The player characters can ask about the Witch of the Woods.
The Gentlemen of Fortune are a bit cagey about it and try
to change the subject.
The player characters can fight the Gentlemen of Fortune.
After the first of them fall, the Gentlemen surrender and tell
the player characters that the Witch of the Woods is in the oasis
at the centre of the Dehydrating Desert… and that the Witch of
the Woods is really mean. The Gentlemen then run away.
The player characters can also try to talk to the Gentlemen
of Fortune. By succeeding on either a DC 16 Charisma
(Intimidation) or a DC 12 Charisma (Persuasion) check,
they learn that they need to find the oasis in the middle of
the Dehydrating Desert and that the Witch of the Woods is
not a nice person at all. The Gentlemen also add there are
quicksand whirlpools, or sand-whirls, in the desert by day
and terrifying monsters by night. The Gentlemen wish the
player characters well if Persuaded or they’ll wish them ill if
they were Intimidated.
It appears the player characters need to cross the deadly
Dehydrating Desert to find this Witch of the Woods. Will
they choose to tackle the desert by day? Or risk the denizens
that only come out at night?

The Desert During the Day
If the player characters choose to tackle the Dehydrating
Desert by day, the sun beats down on them as they trudge
through the seemingly endless expanses of sand.
To get through the desert, the player characters must make
it through six hours of hiking through the scorching dunes.
Every so often, the sand turns into spinning, gulping
vortices known as sand-whirls (an amalgamation of the
words quicksand and whirlpools that the Gentlemen of
Fortune coined) trapping any poor soul caught in them
while the sun burns relentlessly in the sky. Sand-whirls can
appear two times an hour (a roll of a 1 on a d6) as long as
the player characters are in the Dehydrating Desert during
the daytime.
Player characters caught in the sand-whirls can escape
them with a DC 14 Wisdom (Survival) check or a DC 16
Dexterity (Athletics) check. Every time the player characters
fail their check, they struggle for fifteen minutes inside the
sand-whirl.
Those observant player characters who succeed on a DC
16 Wisdom (Perception) check can hear the signs of a
quicksand whirlpool forming under their feet, giving them
advantage on the checks they’ll need to make with each
sand-whirl that shows up.
For every four hours in the Dehydrating Desert during
the day, a player character must succeed on a DC 10
Constitution saving throw or acquire a level of exhaustion.
Once the player characters make it through their six hours
of hiking and any additional hours of struggling with
sand-whirls, they make it to the oasis in the middle of the
Dehydrating Desert. It’s a dense, dark forest giving the
player characters a chance to take a long rest before they
make their way into the centre of it.

The Desert at Night
If the player characters choose to traverse the Dehydrating
Desert by night, they face dangerous foes.
The quicksand whirlpools, or sand-whirls as the Gentlemen
of Fortune call them, create difficult terrain. There is always
one on the battlefield.
Three times during the night, hostile creatures make an
appearance. If the player characters can force a foe into
a sand-whirl (or a foe happens to fall into a sand-whirl, a
good way for the GM to give the players a hand if things are
looking grim), then that enemy can no longer fight.
Death dogs are the first creatures to attack (1 death
dog per player character).
Then dust mephits appear and engage the player
characters (1 dust mephit per player character, plus
one extra).
Finally, ogres will rush over the dunes for the player
characters (1 ogre for every two player characters, with
a minimum of 1).
Once the player characters make it through their three
encounters, they can step foot into the oasis in the middle of
the Dehydrating Desert. It’s a dense, dark forest that gives
the player characters a chance to take a long rest before they
make their way into the centre of it.

The woods get thicker and thicker as the player characters
trudge deeper into the trees. The branches whisper
overhead, seemingly divulging secrets about the player
characters to the wind. The odours of growth and decay, all
signs of a healthy forest, tickle the player characters’ noses.
Vines and twigs reach out, snagging on clothing and fur.
By succeeding on a DC 16 Wisdom (Perception) check,
the player characters realise the woods are closing in on
them from all sides, herding them in a particular direction.
If any one player character succeeds on their Perception
check, they gain dvantage on the following skill checks,
assuming that the player character that succeeded shares the
information with the rest of the group, that is.
If they don’t attempt the check or they fail, then they find
themselves trapped by forest as it surrounds them.
To escape, each player character must make three successful
DC 14 Intelligence (Nature), DC 15 Wisdom (Survival), or
a DC 16 Strength (Athletics) checks. For each failed check,
they take 2 damage from the horrible stinging plants that
grow to knee height.
Once they make their successful checks, the player
characters stumble out of the foliage and find a sign reading:
Welcome to the Corridor of Choice.
In front of them is a long, dark covered hallway made of
trees and vines. At the end of the hallway, it branches in
three directions. Each one has a sign:
Combat
Cunning
Command
The player characters can peek down the new, short
hallways. Each one has a doorway at the end. They can
decide if they want to pick a hallway or back out and check
the others before committing to one.
The “Combat” hallway has a ghast pacing up and down
with more in alcoves that line the hallway. There are half as
many ghasts as there are player characters, with a minimum
of 1. If the player characters choose to engage, the ghasts
will come out of the alcoves.
The “Cunning” hallway has eleven blocks above the stone
door with letters on each one that read “SPARSE RESTS”.
In the door are eleven empty slots which appear to be
waiting for someone to place the blocks from above into the
empty slots to create a single word.
The player characters need to move the letter blocks
into the door slots in the correct order. The answer is
“TRESPASSERS”. If the player characters get stuck or
earn a hint with a DC 12 Intelligence (Investigation) check,
messages will begin to appear and disappear on the door.
Leave
This is my property
You do not have permission to be here
You will be prosecuted
The “Command” hallway has three locks and a bar across
the door. Above it all is a sign that states “Prove your
command over your skills.” If the player characters want
to pick the locks, they must succeed on a DC 20 Dexterity
(Sleight-of-hand) check with a thieves’ tools kit for each lock.
Otherwise, they need to acquire the keys and break the bar:
One key sits in a small, obviously trapped alcove (any
player character with a passive Perception of 10 or more
recognises this). Fire whooshes out of small jets and
spikes shoot into the space around the key in short,
regular intervals, dealing 2d6 fire damage to anyone
caught in it. Dodging these bursts requires a successful
DC 16 Dexterity (Acrobatics) check.
The second key sits in a shimmering, magical case that
resists all physical attempts to open it. This requires
a successful DC 16 Intelligence (Arcana) check to
bypass, recognising the thin sliver where the magic can
be broken by the insertion of a piece of steel—a dagger
should do very nicely.
A wily squirrel scampers about with the last key, neatly
avoiding all attempts to catch it—a successful DC 25
Dexterity check is needed to grab the tricksy thing.
The player characters can try to lure the squirrel to
them, requiring a successful DC 16 Wisdom (Animal
Handling) check. A successful Animal Friendship spell
also works instead of the Animal Handling skill check. If
the player characters want to use the Animal Friendship
spell, the squirrel has a Wisdom of 12.
Finally, breaking the bar across the door needs a
successful DC 16 Strength check.
As the player characters open their chosen door (Combat,
Cunning, or Command), a wall of foliage will greet them.
Trees snake upwards. Thorny, flowering vines emit a sharp,
unpleasant aroma and entwine themselves through the
branches. Everything creaks as the plants grow before their
eyes into a dense, impenetrable dome. Barely visible through
the vegetation and protected in the centre of the living
armour is a quaint cottage.

If the player characters try to cut or burn their way through
the living dome made of plants that shields the cottage
of the Witch of the Woods, they’ll find that the plants
regenerate and regrow too quickly to get through. They’ll
need to find another way.
Around one side, they’ll find a gate formed from the plants.
Beautiful flowers bloom along its edge. A sign at the top
ominously reads, “If you lose…”
Below the sign and in the main part of the gate, the player
characters find bones embedded into tiles that look like
strange hash marks.

||||//\\\

The player characters must rearrange the hash marks until
they create the answer “I WIN”.

| \/\/ | |\|

A Puzzling Situation
It may help to give your players matchsticks, toothpicks,
or chopsticks, so that they can have a physical representation
of the puzzle in the real world.

If the player characters get stuck or earn a hint with a
successful DC 12 Intelligence (Investigation) check,
messages will begin to appear and disappear on the gate.
Four letters
Two words
Who is victorious?
Once they solve the puzzle, the gate creaks open, giving
them access to the inside of the plant dome. Inside, paving
stones create an inviting path to the front of a once-idyllic
cottage. Moss and lichen cover the old-fashioned building’s
thatch roof, and the entire structure looks as though it is
falling into disrepair. Ivy creeps up the once-whitewashed
sides. Small books flap about like butterflies. Salt and
pepper shakers peek from around the corners of the cottage.
Some small animals stand still, as though waiting for
someone to pick them up.

The player characters have made it to the centre of the
strange woods. Here, there are no traps, no tricks… at least
as far as the player characters can tell.
The wooden door with faded, chipped paint on it seems
to invite them in. When the player characters enter, they
find the place empty except for a light crossbow resting
on the floor as though forgotten. This is the irascible,
acerbic Gertrude, a sentient light crossbow with an eye
for observation and a mouth made for mockery. Vicious
mockery, even.
She is the Witch of the Woods, and when she has a mind
to be, she is really mean and she always has a mind to be).
Also, she hates it when anyone calls her a witch—she much
prefers “scholar of the arcane”—but she cultivated the witch
rumours to keep away irrational fools, both people and
other sentient objects. She likes her solitude, okay?
However, Gertrude is nothing if not efficient. The rumours
and challenges she placed on the way to her served another
purpose, as well. Anyone who made it to her little cottage
and through her tricks, traps, and brain teasers is probably
up to the challenge of breaking the curse. However, she
was expecting someone or someones a little more... heroic
looking. After a pause, she decides that the player characters
will have to do.
She hopes aloud that they don’t die and that, more
importantly, they’re not annoying. She can’t stand annoying
people. Or cry-babies. Or adventurers. Or chatty tavern
keepers. Or blacksmiths. Or, well, anyone, really. Especially
children and babies and, ugh, puppies. Don’t even get her
started on kittens.
The cantankerous, curmudgeonly sentient light crossbow
eventually agrees to accompany the player characters and
help them break the curse, mostly because she has no
other options (see page 124 for information on Crossbow
Gertrude). There aren’t any other adventurers immediately
available. She informs them an ancient, aggravating joke of
a wizard cast the spell that cursed the island. To disenchant
the island, they’ll have to destroy the enigmatic treasure, the
Soul of the Isle.
But first they have to find the mysterious treasure...

Gertrude informs the player characters that, though the
ancient wizard was a fool and a disgrace, the magic user did
put a lot of barriers protecting the way to their home, which
is a stereotypically inconvenient tower on the far, far, far
end of the island. To get there, find the Soul of the Isle, and
break the curse, the party needs to make their way through
the other side of the desert and over a dangerous canyon.
With half-hearted enthusiasm, the sentient light crossbow
offers to let the player characters take a long rest in her
cottage. She also points the player characters to a chest in
which they’ll find some very stale travel rations, a potion of
healing for each player character, a gem of seeing, a packet
of dust of disappearance, a wand of polymorph, and a vial of
universal solvent.
For the player characters, making their way through the
other side of the Dehydrating Desert is a lot less dramatic
than entering it was, because Gertrude knows the exact path
they need to take to avoid sand-whirls and get out of the
desert quickly and without exhausting the player characters.
When they reach the far edge of the Dehydrating Desert, a
deep canyon stretches out in front of the player characters to
either side. Brush and scrub fill the air with an herby aroma
and hide the dangerous lip of the gorge. The unforgiving
desert spreads out behind them. Unless they go back to
Gertrude’s oasis, there aren’t any trees for them to use as
a bridge. And it’s far too deep for a rope. Flocks of dozens
of squawking swordbeak parrots (see page 148) swoop
through and above the canyon, making flying or floating
spells a very dangerous, very deadly, endeavour. Gertrude
informs them that there is a bridge, or there was one, anyway.
As they follow the sentient light crossbow’s directions, they
come across a person lying on their stomach, reaching their
arms out over the canyon’s wall as far as they’ll go. They
were the bridge that stretched over the canyon, now they’re
devastated because they can no longer do what they were meant
to do. And their best friend took their job. What a betrayal!
If Gertrude had eyes, she would roll them. She encourages
the player characters on because at least it sounds like
there’s still a bridge somewhere.
After a long, uneventful trek over the unchanging landscape
with the canyon on one side and desert on the other, the
player characters come to a sturdy, utilitarian bridge… a
bridge that demands a toll or he won’t let them cross. This
was once a troll—and still has the stats of a troll—but can
only move up and down because, thanks to the curse, this
former troll is now a bridge. A troll toll bridge. Even though
he has a speed of 0, he is still dangerous because he can claw
and bite by lifting himself up and lashing out with his railings
and deck if an adventurer gets too close.
The toll he wants? Five hundred gold pieces and a lavish
feast fit for a king with all the villagers required to attend.
The troll has been lonely ever since the former bridge
turned into a person, gave him the silent treatment, and
wandered off. Now he is stuck as a bridge, out in the middle
of nowhere and all alone. But he is also too greedy to
consider not asking for money.
Needless to say, Gertrude is unimpressed with the troll toll
bridge and may say something offensive to upset him.
The player characters have the option of trying to beat
the troll toll bridge into submission… though with his
regenerative qualities, it may take quite some time.
They can also try to negotiate with the troll toll bridge.
Perhaps, the lonesome sentient bridge would like to
participate in a weekly card game of bridge with a local
group from the village? Or would that hit too close to
home? A book club might be better. Maybe they can offer
to convince the former bridge, now person, to return and
keep the troll toll bridge company. Deception, Persuasion,
or Performance work well against the troll toll bridge due to
his low Charisma.
Once the player characters gain passage over the troll toll
bridge, they pass through the Stone Jungle, a place with
a flat plain, towering rocks, and not much else… except
the crabs. Tiny mechanical creatures swarm over the stone
toward the player characters (seven mechanical crabs per
player character). Each mechanical crab has the stats of a
regular crab.
The player characters can fight the crabs, try to capture
them with a successful DC 14 Dexterity check per crab, or
they can try to run from them as the tiny metal crustaceans
chase after them, their claws clicking in a cute, somewhat
menacing, way.
The mechanical crabs are the final barrier to the
wizard’s tower.
When the player characters finally reach the wizard’s tower,
they find only a crumbling ruin. The roof has caved in. The
stone walls sport huge, gaping holes making it clear that
anyone who lived here is long gone. The place is abandoned.
Flying hammers pound on the stone and nest in the gaps.
Families of silverware scurry across the rubble. Everything
smells musty and unused.

As the player characters explore, they can walk around the
side of the old tower to a wall that hasn’t completely fallen
down. There, they’ll find a sign that reads, “Wizard towers are
for chump wizards. Come find me in my brand-new dazzling,
dangerous Dread Dungeon… if you dare! (No solicitors.)”
Gertrude mutters about how “wizards who curse entire
islands are the real chump wizards, regardless of whether
they live in towers or dungeons. Also, ‘Dread Dungeon?’
Can someone get any tackier?” It feels like she’s really
gearing up for a doozy of a vicious mockery.
A crudely drawn map in the corner of the sign shows the
player characters how to get to the wizard’s Dread Dungeon.
The player characters make it to where the map leads them
without too much difficulty, but there’s nothing but a wall of
rock and a series of buttons that are numbered 1 through 9
embedded in it.
Near the buttons, carved into the stone is a little story:
“Once upon a time, a canine ate too much. That canine
could eat nothing else forever more.”
The words once (1), canine (9), ate (8), too (2), nothing
(0), and forever (4), relate to numbers and tell the player
characters what order to press the numbers in: 1982904.
With successful DC 12 Intelligence (Investigation) checks,
the player characters can uncover the following hints:
The story tells you the order to press the buttons in
Sometimes, words sound like numbers
When does a dog sound like “nine”?
When the player characters enter the correct code, the wall
in front of them crumbles, and it doesn’t take long for the
player characters to find themselves standing in front of the
yawning maw of a massive cave. Inside, it is dark, dank,
and dangerous...

A suit of armour stands just within the entrance to the
dungeon. It holds a sign reading, “Welcome to the wizard’s
Dread Dungeon. I am your guide.”
The player characters can treat the armour (actually
animated armour) like a guide, or they can provoke it.
If they do not provoke it, the animated armour guide
hands them a pamphlet reading as follows: “The Wondrous
Wizard’s Dread Dungeon!” Inside is a mysterious letter.
If they provoke the suit of armour, then secret passages in
the stone walls creak open and more animated armours
(one per player) march out to engage them. Once they
defeat the animated armour army, a pamphlet flutters from
the first suit of armour’s hand.
The letter states:
You think you’re so righteous? I can see right through you
You think I find you interesting? Really, you’re just a bore
You think you’re worthy? You can’t even see the truth
You think you can win? But you’re in quite the sticky situation
Know this You will never outshine me
Each line of the letter is the key to doors the player
characters will come across.
As the player characters head down into the dungeon, they
may come across rust monsters (in groups that equal 1
per player) or parties of bugbears (1 per player minus 1,
with a minimum of 1) before they reach each door that the
letter refers to. They can avoid these aggressive groups with
either successful DC 12 Dexterity (Stealth) checks or DC
16 Wisdom (Perception) checks.

The first door they come to is a wicked-looking portcullis.
Spikes protrude from it at every angle. It is set well into the
dungeon wall, and the mechanism to open it is out of reach
on the other side. However, it does appear to have some
kind of magical lock...
This first door refers to the very first line of the letter
and requires a player character to become invisible,
either through the dust of disappearance or the invisibility
spell. If the player characters have used the dust of
disappearance and they figure out that they could use it
here, then Gertrude questions whether they’re fit to be
heroes, telling them there is another packet somewhere
in her cottage.
With successful DC 12 Intelligence (Investigation) checks,
the player characters can uncover the following clues, etched
shallowly into the surrounding stone:
You’re not intangible or invincible, just out of sight and out
of mind
Vanish from my sight!
When an invisible player character approaches the door,
the contraption that opens the portcullis hisses and clanks,
gradually coming to life. Slowly, the deadly looking gate
rises, letting the player characters through.
The second door looks like the rest of the dungeon wall,
save for a single, faint print near the bottom. It looks like a
hoof with two toes.
This door requires a pig or boar to open it. The wand of
polymorph, an actual porcine animal, or the polymorph
spell will work here.
With successful DC 12 Intelligence (Investigation) checks,
the player characters uncover the following hints:
You can’t gore me You bore me
You’re lucky I’m not in the mood for bacon…
Oink
If a player character polymorphs into a pig or boar or an
actual pig or boar touches the hoofprint on the wall, the
hidden door slides open with the sound of stone grinding on
stone. Dust showers down on the player characters.

The third door is solid metal and has a dial with a series of
strange glyphs carved around it above the doorknob.
This door requires a player character to use truesight to
spot the correct sequence written on the door. The gem
of seeing or the ability itself will work.
With successful DC 12 Intelligence (Investigation) checks,
the player characters can uncover the following hints:
There is an order to things
Find the code, the sequence for the door
The truth is hidden from sight
A player character who uses truesight on the door sees a
series of glyphs floating in the Ethereal Plane. This is the
code to open the door. When the player characters move the
dial from glyph to glyph in the right order, it opens with a
satisfying click.
The deeper the player characters go into the dungeon,
the mustier it smells, the more humid it becomes, and the
crankier Gertrude gets. The damp could warp her stock or
rust her firing mechanism!
Once the player characters get through the third door, they
will face what looks like a hall of mirrors. One of the full-
length mirrors blurts out a surprised, “Turn back nooooow!”
This mirror, possessing an ornate iron frame, was a
doppelganger before the curse, and never expected anyone
to actually make it this far. And, even though the wizard
employs her to guard the end of the dungeon, she secretly
hopes someone will break the curse and get everything back
to normal. As it is, she is a pale reflection of who she once
was (get it?). But this doppelganger mirror still has a job to
do (and a paycheck to collect), so she won’t make it easy.
The player characters can choose to fight. If that’s the case,
there will be one doppelganger mirror for every three player
characters. Any additional mirrors will shuffle out from farther
in the dungeon. The mirrors use the doppelganger stats.
Otherwise, they can talk to the doppelganger. A successful
DC 16 Wisdom (Insight) check reveals that the mirror
would love to return to her former self and misses her old
doppelganger life, giving the player characters advantage
on the following skill checks. A successful DC 16 Charisma
(Persuasion) or a DC 16 Intelligence (History) skill check
and a compelling argument allows the player characters
to convince the mirror doppelganger to let them through
without resorting to combat.
The player characters have made it to the end of the
dungeon and face stairs that rise up and up.

The player characters make their way up a steep, curving
stairway. The air becomes fresher, less laden with the stink
of mildew. The humidity begins to evaporate, making
Gertrude complain slightly less.
As they reach the surface, a pristine, ivory tower greets
them. On the door is a sign:
“Congratulations, you made it out of my Dread Dungeon
Surprised to see my real home? You shouldn’t be Towers are the
best! Who in their right mind would live in a Dread Dungeon?
Why would you even think I could be serious about it? That’s
so tacky!”
Gertrude mutters something about despising wizards and
really hating this wizard in particular.
There are no traps on the door or throughout the tower.
The player characters ascend the white, marble staircase
that leads up.
At the top of the tower, the player characters discover a
room illuminated by magic. The walls sparkle with crystals.
The pale marble of the floor and ceilings seem to glow. The
scent of some exotic blooms perfumes the air. This place
doesn’t fit in with the Dread Dungeon at all and is even
more ostentatious than the rest of the tower.
Gertrude thinks that it’s gauche and couldn’t possibly be
more garish and says so. Loudly.
In the centre of the room, standing on an ornate pedestal
rests the Soul of the Isle, an enormous diamond masterfully
cut into the shape of a person. Then the diamond speaks
telepathically to the player characters in a disconcertingly
familiar voice. For them to make it this far into her domain
to face her is quite impressive. She never would have
expected such a performance from such a ragtag crew.
They certainly don’t look like competent adventurers. But
she will deign to give them her name. And they can call
her… Gertrude.
Diamond Gertrude and Crossbow Gertrude immediately
begin bickering and insulting each other. It’s clear they can’t
stand each other.
As the two Gertrudes argue, it eventually comes out that
the original Gertrude is an ancient wizard. Many, many
years ago, she copied her consciousness into Crossbow
Gertrude as a failsafe should anything happen to the
original Gertrude during her various magical experiments.
After she created Crossbow Gertrude, Original Gertrude
became obsessed with immortality (Crossbow Gertrude points out that she doesn’t have this major personality flaw,
unlike Diamond Gertrude). In an attempt to stave off
death forever, Original Gertrude turned herself into a living
diamond on an island of sentient objects.
One of the side effects of her bid for endless life, however,
was a powerful spell that affected the entire island and all its
residents. Diamond Gertrude admits that it sort of turned
into a little bit of what she calls a “Reverse Curse” because
it turned all the people into sentient objects and all the
sentient objects into people.
The player characters have discovered where both
Gertrudes came from and, more importantly, the origins of
the curse… now they just have to figure out how to break it.
And, well, Diamond Gertrude is the only one who can reverse
her reverse curse, meaning the player characters must defeat
her in some way. (See page 137 for Diamond Gertrude’s
stat block.) Combat isn’t the only solution! They can fight
her, reason with her with a successful DC 16 Wisdom
(Insight) check and solid logic, charm her with a successful
DC 16 Charisma (Persuasion) check and an argument
full of flattery, or trick her into it with a successful DC 16
Charisma (Deception) check and a clever justification.
If the player characters choose to fight Diamond Gertrude,
then she’ll collapse to the ground when she hits zero hit
points. A bright glow will envelop her form and begin to
emanate from her to eventually cover the entire island.
If they manage to reason, charm, or trick her, she agrees
to break the curse of her own volition. Diamond Gertrude
raises one sparkling arm. A glittering light settles across the
entire island.
After the dazzling gleam dissipates, Diamond Gertrude
is transformed into Original Gertrude. She’s a human
wizard of indeterminate age with a permanent sneer on her
face. She sighs, melancholy for the moment, realising that
her experiment into everlasting life was a bust. Original
Gertrude shrugs it off as she begins to consider new options
and innovative schemes, ignoring the player characters.
Crossbow Gertrude lets the player characters know the
curse is broken. Things should be back to normal on the
Island of Cursed Stuff. Though, now they’ll have to come
up with a new name for the Island of Cursed Stuff. Maybe
the Island of Sentient but Not-Cursed Stuff?

Original Gertrude manages to sneak off the moment the
player characters take their eyes off her. Crossbow Gertrude
suspects that Original Gertrude slipped into another plane.
In the past, the wizard obsessively researched other spheres of
existence as she searched for immortality. With her curiosity
piqued, Crossbow Gertrude will mention that Original
Gertrude spent a lot of time trying to uncover the many,
many secrets of the enigmatic religion of awakened cats.
The player characters may very well see Original
Gertrude again.
The rest of the island returns to normal. Charles the Chair
is now just Charles the tiefling tavern keeper (and chef). He
makes good on his promise and cooks an extravagant meal
for the player characters. It’s so delicious that it removes any
remaining levels of exhaustion and heals them to full hit points.
The ship and the captain are much more comfortable in
their previous roles as ship and captain but in reverse.
The Gentlemen of Fortune, now wearing eyepatches over
actual eyes, decide to form a pirate crew along with a gnome
that they befriended who was a speedy sloop before the
curse affected them. They don’t intend to loot and pillage,
but they do have big plans to say “arrrr, matey,” brandish
swords at passers-by, and take tourists on small, prearranged
capers around the island.
Now that the curse is broken and her island is back to
normal, Crossbow Gertrude is ready to get out of town and
find some adventure of her own. She offers to go with the
player characters when they leave… and she admits that she
is the true genius loci of the island, not Diamond Gertrude
who tried to claim the title. She was just a knockoff.
EXPERIENCE
The adventurers should gain enough
experience from the adventure to advance to
the next level.