Excerpts from Uncle Pat's Unofficial Guide to Historical Skulduggery
Things needed for kidnapping of one Fire Pope:
- 15 goons to go to the main cathedral (Temple of Eternal Flame) to cause a distraction
- a small boat ready in the river beneath the bridge
- a fire-proof shackles
- air reconnaissance from the eagle's perspective (including getting capture by a castle guard and causing ruckus on the market)
- wind spirits paid in blood to scout for the Pope near the Basalt Castle
- space gulls bribed in food to scout for the Pope in docks
- a waterproof time bomb that needs to be planted on the Pope's ship (and then disabled just before the time it blows, and set to a new time)
- business discussions with Madame catering to clergy's needs, pestering Cardinal's wench and getting caught for peeping
- a handful of wood wedges to seal the cathedral doors
- more air reconnaissance and food for spying rats
- a pitch that opens locks and blows up the windows
- a morning assault on the Cardinal of Flames of the Phoenix cult
- a perfect weather forecasting
- more blood for wind spirits causing chaos on the River
- a high vis jacket, a slow barge and a traffic jam at the mouth of the River
- even more blood for wind spirits to get some fog
- one hollow pillar of the castle bridge
- a fierce battle with Pope's personal guard (Unknown)
- a chase through corridors of Basalt Castle involving secret passages, more guards, unsuccessful choking and cast iron skillet
- a gorilla to carry the holy load
Shake vigorously, and pray all the pieces fall into the right place. The author is not liable for any damage and warrants caused by following this recipe.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. But hilarious.