Wedding Customs

Marriage in the Three Sisters can be a very complicated subject, with large variations in customs occurring across the spectrum of culture.

Polygamy, in some form or another, is accepted by most cultures and subcultures in the Three Sisters, but it is not universal even where it is accepted. Monogamous marriages are more common in lower income households and urban environments regardless of income. Spirans are a notable example of a culture that does not legally tolerate or recognize any form of non-monogamy.

In places that are more conservatively Aamidali in culture, polygamous marriage is typically hierarchical and radial. For example, person A is married to persons B, C, and D, persons B, C, and D are not married to each other, and person A and holds more social, political, or public power than the other spouses. These marriages are usually polygynous in the most conservative places, though chances of polyandrous or mix-gender marriages increases in areas with less purely conservative Aamidali influence. Jandeling marriages should not be confused with traditional Aamidali ones; although they practice polygyny, their understanding of gender roles within and without the family are very different from a traditional Aamidali's.

Group marriages are more commonly found among Nebayans who are more removed from Aamidal's influence, particularly Black Sky Nebayans and Koyans. In these cultures, there are usually marriage ties between all or most members of the marriage group, creating a much more enmeshed, cohesive family unit.

Members of a group marriage typically live as one family unit. Marriages where one person has multiple spouses who are not intermarried may live in one household, or each spouse may have their own house and may even live in a different town or world.

Historically, Aamidal's clan names were patrilineal and Nebayan names were matrilineal. Nebayan societies that were more removed from Aamidali influence quickly became more egalitarian with regards to naming throughout all aspects of society. It is very acceptable for prospective Nebayan spouses to negotiate which name will be taken. Usually the name that carries the most prestige for the couple, or the clan that needs the added members will become their married name. A more uncommon scenario exists where the married may share one name or keep their original clan names, and their children can inherit either clan name in a process decided usually at coming-of-age or birth depending on the negotiation. As pockets of Aamidal become more progressive, more cases of name negotiations are showing up, but Aamidali households still do not generally accept a split-clan household.

Spiran heterosexual marriages almost universally take the man's name, with hyphenated names being the only accepted alternative. The Spire discourages same-sex marriage, but when they occur, names either not changed at all, hyphenated, or follow their Koyan neighbor's example of taking the surname with the most prestige.

Technically, Jandeling clan names follow the male head of household's, but to say they are strictly patrilineal would be a mistake. Most Jandeling males inherit their status from their fathers. If this is not possible for some reason, the clan the man will be getting power from will 'adopt' a male, even if mature, into the family for the express purpose of keeping the name upon marriage. This is why some humans erroneously believe that Jandelings accept marriage between direct blood relatives.

Historically, the initial offer of marriage proposal for Nebayan houses would come with a gift of an item that would show that the person proposing was serious about and capable of starting a new household. Gifts tended to be tools, particularly ones related to the other person's trade. For those who could afford it, these engagement tools might be beautifully decorated and meant for display rather than use, but it is important that the tools are capable of functioning even if ornate.

In many literary works and myths, a person might propose by offering a dagger, particularly if the person being proposed to of a more vulnerable position in society than the giver. The usual interpretations for this were that the proposer was giving their beloved a way to sever the relationship (or the proposer's throat) if the proposal was offensive to them or the proposer's behavior became unsafe, confidence that a tool with such symbolism could be given without harming the relationship. In some darker poems and songs, if the betrothal dagger is not turned on the proposer, it may be given back with a demand to be used for revenge before the proposal can be accepted or one of the parties may use it to end their own life rather than go through with the marriage or break off the betrothal. These daggers are almost only used in places where the betrothed couple have the power to negotiate or veto their own engagements, and where it is not considered too taboo to give a partner something with a symbolic ability to cut the Weaver's strings of fate.

Similar to the betrothal daggers, scissors are another popular engagement gift particularly for non-elite couples. These carry a much less violent symbolism, though they are still considered able to sever the fate of the couple if a pair is given to a partner who is less than confident in their future together.