Genetic bioinformatics service, CIA front for Project Shemhamphorasch and Project Rivera, and food delivery app.
The User Experience
Users who sign up for the service are sent a welcome package which includes a free sterile Flesh Gouger, a specialized tool for harvesting a cell sample to send to the lab. Users report that it leaves a small- to medium-sized scar that may resemble the full logo and brand name of the company. Once your sample has been sent to the lab and the gematric origin of your soul's signature encoded in crystal and gold, then only is your true name spoken once ever and silently, an infinitesimal sub-whisper to the dark in which its logic may spiral and spider at the edge of an endless glass, and you're all set to enjoy the top-rated Social & Culinary app in the App Store for 2069!
Meat your friends, Meat your family! When you Meat someone on 23asMeat, you don't just shake hands - you want to sniff and lick the hand because you have a powerful urge to consume the other person. But you don't do that, because that would be weird. And there's a more polite way to do it: Nibbleize them! Any of your Meats can Nibbleize you, and you can Nibbleize anyone you've Meated. This queues up a portion of their meat in your next weekly meal delivery.
Got a cookout this weekend? Just like when you're betting on the big game, you don't wanna just take your pick - you wanna take your cut too. Strong independent men who know different cuts of meat and why it's important to eat all the meats in one meal so you sweat out the weakness can use our powerful interface to set up their whole spread. Take a prime rib from old dad, a rack of grandma's tender ribs, and maybe some kibble made out of your annoying stepchild you can feed to the pitbull.
That's not the only course we serve. Maybe daddy likes a little bit of dessert? 23asMeat offers Rare Cuts, special offers of certain meat parts that aren't meant to be cooked. I mean, you can cook 'em, but... just gristly. I don't know why you'd want to do that. Anyway they heat up pretty nice, and I just give mine to the dog when I'm done with it. Don't eat that.
You have the option to publicly rank your meat, allowing anyone who's tried your meat to leave a review. Top-ranked users are eligible to earn royalties per unit sold, and generally command a much higher unit price.
Self-Meat is used as an ethical loophole for some groups that reject lab-grown meat. It wasn't consensual when it was grown in an agar dish, but now it's consensual because it's their DNA. Right.
The app briefly allowed users to invest in others' meats, giving them an interest in dictating the Meats' daily habits. The interface included controls for shock collars and other training devices so that investors could help guide the Meat into healthy behavior that would maximize the flavor of their flesh.
Reception
23asMeat was hailed as a revolutionary new social app that combined elements from the culinary world, fitness culture, and all kinds of other stupid shit!
In a narrow time and place on Earth, Meatslave refers to an influencer whose following is primarily or substantially derived from their meat product. In most parts of the universe, it refers to a creature who lives its life entirely in captivity for the purpose of serving as meat to another creature.
23asMeat has officially objected to the use of the term Meatslave, but takes a laissez-faire approach to moderation.
Notable Influencers
- Ca$$i 5uxx, adult entertainer (Murdered, cannibalized)
- KyllAE Pissbottle, adult entertainer (Disappeared)
- Jorb Florgen, powerlifter (Ruled suicide by autocannibalism)
- Boobie LeSplooge, adult entertainer (Murdered, cannibalized)
- Based Chungus, internet "personality" and lowest-rated public Meat on the platform (doing fine)
- The Dinky Twinz, child actors (Lynched & mass-cannibalized on their 18th birthday)
- Gary (Race), Gary. Unanimously bland yet above-average rating, very affordable.
- Cummille Dumpster, adult entertainer (Murdered, dismembered, reassembled, reanimated, vivicannibalized)
- Big Whooshies! Man (Big Whooshies! Enthusiasm Man), fictional mascot. Not a real person, so no one is sure whose meat this is. It doesn't taste real, but it tastes good. It costs a lot.