Letter to Sulla & Notes
(Written in the morning after the party.)
Sulla,
I think that we misunderstand each other’s feelings, and that we would be well served by meeting each other to discuss more. I do not want you to misconceive my intentions and I feel that spending some time together would help us clarify the nature of our relationship.
Perhaps you would meet me for a walk through the Agora or the Gardens?
Calliope
[Written on a scrap piece of paper, along with some discarded draft letters.]
I don’t know what possessed me to agree to Helikaon’s bet! Misplaced confidence, perhaps? Though that doesn’t feel quite right… I was in no way certain of winning! My head was foggy and I just… didn’t want to say no to him.
Once the vapours wore off a little, he seemed worried about the position he put me in. But, really, I am not sure he has put me in too much of a position at all! His oath neither named Sulla, nor was it time-bound. I am pretty much off the hook!
But Theo pointed out that some one-on-one time might be what is needed to come to an understanding with him. Honestly, perhaps he is right! And if he is not… well, I can’t see how it would make things worse.
If there was any chance of Sulla swaying my heart, I might feel a little guilty for proposing any sort of ‘date’. But he doesn’t, and I don’t. Right now my guilt lies elsewhere… with a relationship much older.
The emotions my memories of Damon bring back are so vivid, so strong, it feels less like a memory, and more like it is all unfolding right now in front of my eyes. And, despite myself, I feel like I’m falling in love with a man who doesn’t exist anymore through the memories of a Calliope that doesn’t exist anymore.
I am uneasy about it. Should I feel guilty about these moments I can’t change? Her actions are both mine and not mine. And her feelings… well, they are certainly mine now.
Love, of course, is not just a feeling but a choice. I am not sure you can control who you fall in love with, after all: only who you choose to commit yourself to. And, of course, I choose Versi. There is no other choice in my mind.
But, for the moment at least, that does not stop the blood rushing to my cheeks when I hear Damon’s name.
At least these memories are better than the only other thing I can really remember right now. Yonder haunts my dreams in almost as vivid clarity as Damon does. And much more frequently. It is safe to say those dreams are much, much less pleasant!
Dreams… I wonder if Helikaon had any luck in falling asleep? I think perhaps he was a little too out of it last night to actually realise what he had to do… oh, Alke and Loreus on the other hand! Well, lets just say that, together, they engaged in a different type of sleeping. And then they were so cute looking at the stars together! It reminded me so much of… well, it doesn’t matter.
You know, ending the evening looking at the stars was nice. So many Siren celebrations take place under the sky, in the open... even if I can’t remember any specific events from my past, the moment was… sad, but also pleasantly nostalgic. I’m glad I got to experience it with them.