Elias had been putting on a brave face for most of the trip back. The mission had been a success, they’d saved the planet and pushed back the invading horde. It wouldn’t be long now before the Esti Defense Force dealt with the stragglers. The Jedi had formed a possible new ally on the planet, Anaxes had been dealt a blow - all was mostly well.
Still, they’d suffered a few nasty blows. Especially Raylan who had his arm in a sling after a particular unpleasant hit from one of the bugs had made it temporarily unusable. Keel had seen better days having taken so many blows and Elias was…well, physically Elias looked okay. No broken bones, no bleeding but that didn’t mean he was okay. His body felt weak, his chest felt tight and his legs felt like cement. Almost as if putting his body through any effort felt exhausting and made him dizzy. But he didn’t complain, he didn’t say anything and just forced a smile and hid his shaking hands by sitting on them.
Maybe he would have said something, but the guilt of having time in the bacta tank had made him fall silent. He had messed up and hadn’t been able to help anyone for over a day of preparation because of it. Maybe if he had, they’d have been more prepared and less of the troops would have had to get hurt or worse. Elias still remembered that one soldier who leaped to his defence, blocking an explosion that would have devastated Elias. The man lost his arm because of it, because Elias had messed up. So the guilt stayed with him and kept him quiet, only saying a few words when spoken to but trying that smile of his to reassure everyone that everything was fine.
It was only until Darro came to him that his mask slipped. He knew Elias better than most and knew that smile of his wasn’t big enough and noticed the shake in his voice. At that point Elias caved, his shoulders slumped and he admitted how he was feeling. Funnily enough just admitting it made his symptoms feel a little better, almost as if his guilt and pretending had done nothing but make things worse.
Elias didn’t remember much else about that trip back home, he remembered agreeing to go straight to the medical bay when they got back. But truth be told, Elias shortly after dozed off on Darro’s shoulder - the exhaustion of the day finally catching up to him and the lie about how he was feeling no longer keeping him awake.
The day had been difficult, but in this moment Padawan Elias found a moment of peace with someone he trusted without a shadow of a doubt. Everything would be okay.