Helena's Journal

Dear abuela,

I finally did it. I got a job. I should be more excited about it, but honestly I'm just exhausted. Between the fights and trying to take care of the baby and the house, I'm just exhausted. I wish I had a little help but that ass I call a husband spends all the extra money on booze and cigarettes. And he's still smoking them in the house! I told him I don't want that stuff in the house with the baby. He never listens.

I know I'm responsible for my choices as a woman and all that, but it takes 2 people to have a baby, why am I the only one suffering. Honestly Abuela, that's the one part that never made sense to me in the Bible. God tells Adam not to do something, not Eve but she gets the heavy punishment. It's ridiculous.

Anyway, the job. The job is… I guess it's interesting. It's just secretary work. I found this doctor looking for a secretary to work nights in his office. It's not on the best side of town, but that's okay. It pays well. Maybe it'll be enough to get that fancy diaper service? One could hope. Now my boss, he's weird. I don't know what his deal is but something is off about him. He's nice enough but he just seems off somehow. For one thing I don't think I've ever seen him crack a genuine smile. Not that the area gives anyone much to smile about. Still I just can't put my finger on why I find him so odd. Anyway, while we do get some patients it's not entirely busy there so I'm sort of getting paid to sit around… and clean up files. Whoever does the day shift Is absolutely terrible.

You know honestly that's the odd part. Why does such a small clinic need daytime and night time hours? And why does Dr. Daykin only work nights? It's his practice. Hmm. Maybe he's in the mafia or something. I guess I'll have to wait and see. As long as I'm home to take care of my little baby girl, I could care less what happens here.

Hello Abeula,

Work has been good. Mama isn't too happy about me working. It's not proper for a mother or whatever. Who cares? I'm done letting her bully me about things. She's the reason I ended up here in the first place.

No, really it was my fault. Oh well.

In other news, I probably looked like a complete dunce to my boss last night. He was seeing a patient out. 3 months now and I still can't figure out what's so strange. Then today I went and blurted out, “Ohh! I know why you're so strange! You're not married!” I was standing and I had my hands on my desk like some kind of lawyer. It was so embarrassing. This poor gringo probably regrets hiring me. He looked so confused. The patient was laughing as she told us goodbye. She left me alone in such an awkward situation! I hid in the file cabinets the rest of the night. He was probably debating whether or not to fire me in his office. 

*insert little sketch of a poor sobbing woman*

Oh and to make it worse, my nightmares have been confirmed. Collete’s hair is blonde… I was hoping it would darken, but no. It's clearly blonde like her father's…at least she's got my eyes. She's also got my chubby cheeks. I think she's got your nose Abuela. Honestly this girl is gonna have no problems when she grows up. She's perfect.. Anyway, I'm going to drown my sorrows in oatmeal.

Guess what Abuela?

Haven't been fired yet! Hahaha

Dear Abuela,

I got into another big fight today with Gordy. Collette’s tooth is coming in and she's very cranky. No matter what I do or try, she cries. He was yelling at me to shut her up. I tried talking to him but he threw a plate at me. I ran and locked myself and Collette in the bedroom. He's still out there screaming his head off. I think it'll be fine once the booze wears off. He's need to stop drinking. I can't raise my baby girl like this. She deserves so much better. 

I want her to do better than me. 

Dear Abuela,

Nothing special, just had a nice conversation about books with my boss. He saw me reading a Jane Eyre novel. Honestly, not my favorite read, but I read a lot of classics to learn English. They've kind of become comfort books in a way. It did sort of open up the rabbit hole. I read my baby a lot of random books at night. I'd love a copy of some of the original Brothers Grimm stuff. I saw an anthology at a local bookstore. It was a nice one, but I can't afford it. I was lamenting to my boss about it and somehow this man tricked me into telling him my life story! (I don't know how cause I swear he didn't say anything, but I just felt comfortable enough to be that vulnerable). I guess looking at me like some sad pathetic lady is better than looking crazy right? 

Honestly I don't know what he thinks of me. I can't read him at all.