Contract: The Don's Request
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TL:DR at bottom
Zuri woke up to the ship's bell ringing like crazy. Sleepily opening the door she saw a Lashunta named Whaloss. Whaloss took a small step back quietly saying "Fear i Bhfolach" (roughly: Those in Hiding) before launching into an endless torrent of questions about them, the "Fear Neimhe" (Those Who Ascended), and the Áirse Tógálaí (Arch Builders). All in an academically condescending way when speaking of the Drow.
After silencing the endless questions and the crew was all gathered, Whaloss introduced himself as the contact that The Don sent. He explained that he did not have the necessary expertise to translate the heiroglyphs himself but he could get a meeting with Professor Muhali who would at the very least know who in her department could help. After a short cab ride to campus #Team High Turnover Rate stepped into a scene of chaos within the main building of the xenolinguistics department.
About 20 journos were clustered at the other end of the room and all talking over each other. Snippets such as "Argued for genocide," "Utterly inappropriate," "Why won't the university make a statement," "Only a suspension," "Do the deans support these statements?" A brief exchange between Whaloss and Ikimsi, the department secretary, revealed that Professor Alabiens 21:2 gave an incendiary lecture the previous night. In it he examined the first conflict between the Lashunta and the Formians following the Meridath War and argued that the Lashunta tactics of total war and genocide against the Formains were not only a necessary evil but a societal good based on the aftereffects of that round of hostilities.
Since this clusterfuck had nothing to do with you, you tried to force your way through and continue to Muhali's office. Ikimsi kept the door locked since he didn't want the reporters spilling into the building. He asked you to drive them off somehow and in exchange he'd rearrange Muhali's schedule to see you immediately. Zuri started brandishing her best knife and threatening violence. This only sent some of them packing so Bash drew his sidearm. The way he fumbled the process was amusing enough that one of the journos had to stifle laughter. Despite Rocket's attempt to knock aside the gun Bash kneecapped the one who laughed. Reporters ran, Ikimsi hit a button on his desk, and Rocket jumped to perform first aid on the injured man.
Six campus security guards come in and asked what happened. Rocket did her best to bluff her way out of the situation but the guards quickly went to ikimsi to review the security footage. Seeing no other way out the crew started dropping bodies between a combination of grenades, Bash powerfisting people's esophagus' out, and Rocket's gross bone swords that ripped their way out of her forearm. One guard made a break for it out onto the quad so Rocket and Zuri ran after him to silence witnesses while Jerzac Scarlewe and Bash dragged Ikimsi up to Muhali's office at gunpoint. The two ladies quickly finish off the guard and start hauling ass back towards the Kormoran to prepare for take off.
In Muhali's office, the boys eventually convince Muhali to come with them in exchange for letting Ikimsi go. Bash threatened to come back for Ikimsi if he didn't erase the security tapes. Bash, Jerzac, and Muhali calmly walked to her car like nothing happened. You reached the car and started towards the starport. En route Jerzac handed Muhali his datapad to review the hieroglyphs. Unfortunately she was unable to translate them, but did at least recognize the name of Halqueem Zahn. Her colleague Professor Solstarni had recently dug his notes out of deep storage and was taking another attempt at translating those hieroglyphs. Jerzac demanded information on Solstarni and how to get in contact with her. Muhali was able to pull up the calendars of all her professors, only to be confused. Solstarni had left for her research sabbatical two days ago, several months before she was supposed to.
During this conversation Zuri made it to the starport on her stolen motorcycle to find it in lockdown with a solid police cordon around it. She turned around to pick up Rocket and regroup with the other two and their hostage. You all headed towards the run down Gateway District to lay low. This destination reminded Muhali that Solstarni had been getting messages from an offworld researcher who wanted to meet her somewhere within there. Five Arches maybe?
Once Zuri and Rocket arrived, you hacked into the police frequencies to find that there was only the most vague descriptions of two humanoids killing a guard in the quad, the security cameras appeared to be down that day, and reports that all travel locations were on lockdown (implying they don't know which ship is yours). You wanted to set off immediately to Ukulam to let everything die down while you are away. Three problems with that are you have no idea where to go once you get to Ukulam, a lack of travel visas to use the Aiudara, and a lack of weaponry. Enter the newlyweds to fix one of the problems.
Zuri used a five finger discount to get tacky souvenirs while Jerzac acquired clothing. They approached the starport police line as newlyweds on their honeymoon who were grumpy at being kept out. Zuri was gearing up for a real Karen fit while Jerzac was his usual smooth self. The patrol officer called over the captain who waved them through with the officer as a escort. Once on the ship the "couple" started coming on to the officer.
After seeing his interest Jerzac went ahead to "get ready." The officer was too impatient and started pawing at Zuri who led him into the captains bed. Somewhere around here Bash and Rocket muted their communicators, but recorded anyways for later use. Jerzac took his sweet ass time field stripping Bash's two rifles, long enough that he came back to the Lashunta's chocolate starfish staring at him as the officer was stripping off his pants getting ready to play hide the sausage. Jerzac was complementing the man's enthusiasm until he turned around to reveal his fear spear, his green headed warrior of love, his heat seeking moisture missile was just a little lacking, helping explain Zuri's horrified face. Unfortunately for the impending ménage á trois, the lovebirds had to check in to the hotel before they lost their reservation.
The officer (hereafter known as Officer Well Endowed) sadly got dressed but perked up when Zuri asked to borrow the handcuffs for when he comes to join them after his shift. He made sure to tuck his number in Zuri's bra. The threesome walked back to the cordon where Zuri flirted with the captain too. The "newlyweds" got sent on their way with a slap on the ass. Once they turned the corner Zuri sucker punched Jerzac in the face warning him to NEVER mention what just happened.
Back in the gateway district on the scanner:
"Did we at least get something out of this?" -C
"Oh, sorry sir. I got a little ....... distracted. I'll at least be getting something out of this after my shift is over." -O
"Damn it." -C
"Can I get her number too?" -C
TL:DR
Fuck Murder Hobos
Fuck Rogues
Fuck Bards
Fuck Jeff in particular
I Lost control of the players and lost control of my game.