The Servant's Journal
  1. Journals

The Servant's Journal

These journal entries are transcribe by Jeeves who listens alot and has a bit of an imagination, filling in the gaps and omissions in the recounting of the stories told by and about The Party

S.10 - The Impossible Vault

The trek back from the Jeny Greenteeth's crooked shop was a quiet affair, muffled by the heavy atmosphere of Kashal's outskirts. The air carried a metallic tang, a reminder of the "toenails" Kustos-749 had surrendered and the raw, stinging patch on Cosma’s back where her skin had been traded for a witch’s prize.

"I can still feel the silver spoon," Calliope murmured, her hand hovering near her left eye. Her elven severity was brittle, like aged parchment. "She looked at me not as a scholar, but as a collection of parts to be cataloged. It was... unseemly."

"It was a transaction," Kustos-749 interjected, his voice a series of regulated, clinical clicks. "The exchange of non-vital keratin for the tactical location of the Vault is a favorable ratio. Logic dictates the bargain was efficient."

Katrina adjusted her cerulean scarf, her vertical pupils scanning the shadows with a predatory tension. "Efficient? Kustos, she didn't want your toenails for a collection. She wanted a hook in us. In the Syndicate, we called this 'buying a favor on layaway.' All hag bargains have a cost, and I’m guessing we haven't seen the bill yet."

"She has the Anchors," Cosma snapped, her red eyes flashing with a mix of pain and defiance. Her long white braid swayed as she turned to Calliope. "The Pig, the Hedgehog, the Duck. If they are what you say they are, if they can steady this drifting mess of a world, then a bit of my skin is a small price, and beside, I have these magical wings."

They had barely crossed the threshold of the Little Shoppe of Curiosities when the bell chimed, the bright, eager ring of Patch, the messenger page. The boy’s eyes widened as he took them in, his expression one of pure, unadulterated hero worship.

"You’re back!" Patch chirped, his excitement cutting through the gloom. "The Masters at the University are talking, but Dr. Dee... he’s the one who really wants to see you. He said it’s about the 'Green-Toothed Menace' and the 'Impossible Vault.' He’s waiting in his office. Right now!"


The office was a claustrophobic maze of leaning codices and the scent of stale tea. Dr. Dee did not look up when they entered; his quill scratched across a scroll with frantic, rhythmic precision.

"That Goblin Queen is a rival of mine," Dee started, his voice raspy, as if the words themselves were covered in dust. "She peddles in cheap and tainted magics and flawed histories. If she is offering to give you an 'Anchor' for an Onyx Sphere, it is a necessary transaction, but be careful in your dealings with her. She is a horrid creature."

He finally stood, his eyes burning with a cold, academic fervor that made Katrina instinctively shift into a defensive stance, momentarily losing her carefully cultivated disguise. - For more - Vicious and Ferocious

"The true prize," Dee continued, "are the Anchors. The Impossible Vault is a Halikarnian masterwork that captures and preserves objects of Conceptual Truth." He paused, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial thrum. "It does not merely hold an onyx sphere; it holds the pure, original Truth of a First Men. An object the Order requires to enforce our own conceptual discipline across the planes... err... the realm."

His gaze flickered toward Kustos-749, lingering on the Clank’s Jupiter-mandated collar with a chilling, analytical curiosity before snapping back to Calliope.

"Original Truth?" Calliope asked, her scholarly mind racing to keep up with the provenance of such a claim. "Doctor, a 'Truth' isn't a physical object. It’s a narrative, a resonance..."

"In the Vault, it is both," Dee snapped, tapping his desk. "The Vault is a doorway to the Perfect Plane. A place where entropy does not exist. The Anchors are separated... and no longer 'anchory.' Years ago, there was an explosion, a catastrophic magical resonance, at a site called Teku Benga."

The name hit Calliope like a physical blow. Teku Benga. The site of the shattered Source Shard. The moment her sister Attia had accidentally fractured reality. - about which there is more information here - Calliope's Backstory (Act I)

"The blast didn't just level the Temple," Dee continued, oblivious to Calliope’s internal tremor. "It meddled with the very geometry that holds our reality to the Perfect Plane. The world has been drifting ever since. Unmoored."

"So the Pig, the Hedgehog, and the Duck," Cosma whispered, "they’re the stabilizers. We’re literally trying to pin the world back down."

"Precisely," Dee said, a ghost of a smirk touching his lips. "But the Vault is protected by traps that shove those who are 'imperfect' into a shadow realm, leaving no trace. An inescapable defense. You are not killed; you are simply solved out of existence. My team has the rough location, but the defenses are too tricky, too reliant on dead languages and musical rhythms that, frankly, distract from true intellectual pursuit."


Back within the familiar scent of old wood and leather at the Little Shoppe, the party gathered around the "gift" Jeny had bestowed upon them. It was a shrunken head, its features pinched in a permanent expression of scholarly grievance. A single, thick wick protruded from the crown.

"Jeny said this was a wizard who crossed her," Katrina muttered, her predatory tension easing slightly in the safety of her own shop. "Let's see if he’s better at directions than he was at dodging hags."

Cosma extended a finger with fire coming from the tip and as the flame took hold, the wick hissed, and the "wax," a sickly, translucent substance that smelled of human tallow and curdled thoughts, began to liquefy and burn. The head’s eyes snapped open, rolling wildly.

"S’alright?" the head chirped in a high-pitched, rasping trill.

Katrina blinked, leaning in close. "Is it? You tell me, sunshine. You look a little... condensed."

"S’alright! S’alright!" The head’s mouth moved with a stiff, wooden rhythm, reminiscent of a stage puppet. "Who is it? Is you? Is me? S’alright!"

"It’s definitely not 'all right,'" Cosma muttered, leaning away from the scent of melting brains. "It’s talkative for a candle."

Katrina poked the head’s cheek with a claw. "Listen, Johnny, you are Johnny now, we need to go somewhere. Can you get us there?"

"In the box? Out the box? Close the door!" Johnny chirped, his eyes darting to Kustos. "Difficult! Very difficult! Where you go?"

"The Impossible Vault," Katrina said firmly.

The head went silent for a heartbeat. The tallow bubbled. "The Vault? You sure? Is big! Is hot! You want to go?"

"We’re sure," Katrina replied.

"S’all-right!"

With a sudden, violent flare of violet light, the shop dissolved into a whirlwind of sand and heat.


The transition was a physical blow. One moment, the air was cool and heavy with shop-dust; the next, it was a searing furnace. They stood in a vast, trackless desert, staring up at a pristine edifice that defied the laws of entropy. Two massive dwarven statues flanked bronze doors so polished they shimmered like mirrors in the noon-day sun.

"Observation," Kustos-749 intoned, his red chassis already radiating the desert heat.

Calliope reached out, her fingers trembling as she felt the "echo" of the place. "It isn't just a building, Kustos. It’s a bridge. We are standing where the Form of our world thins to a gossamer veil. The Perfect Plane is just on the other side of those doors. That is why time cannot touch them."

The silence of the desert was shattered as Katrina, ever the strategist, began to scale one of the dwarven statues to gain a vantage point. She had reached the shoulder when the dunes exploded.

A massive, chitinous horror, an Acid Burrower, burst from beneath the sand with a shriek that rattled the teeth. The force of its emergence sent Cosma and Calliope sprawling into the hot grit. Kustos alone remained standing, his stabilizers whining as he absorbed the shock.

The creature lunged, its mandibles dripping with a neon-green sludge that hissed as it hit the sand near Cosma’s boots.

"Don't let it sour the mood!" Calliope cried, scrambling to her feet. She struck a chord on her instrument, her voice rising in a defiant, shimmering melody that cut through the creature's screech. "Through the burning waste and the stinging spray, The scholars and the hounds shall find their way! Stand your ground against the bile, And make the desert weep a while!"

The music wove a mantle of resolve around the party just as the beast sprayed a wide arc of caustic fluid. Kustos stepped forward, his red shield catching the brunt of the acid with a terrifying sizzle. But, with a grunt of mechanical effort, he swung his gladius, catching the creature in its soft flank and flinging the multi ton insect away from the casters.

High above, Katrina didn't hesitate. She leapt from the statue, sliding down the length of the great dwarven spear like a streak of blonde lightning. She hit the sand in a roll, disappearing beneath the creature’s segmented belly.

With a twin flash of steel, Quicksilver and Shadowclaw, ripped upward tearing two deep cuts in the chitinous underbelly.

Katrina rolled clear just as a deluge of steaming acid poured from the wounds, melting the very sand where she had lay a breath before. The creature gave one final, gurgling shudder and collapsed, its life-force dissolving into the dunes.

The party stood panting, the scent of ozone and burnt chitin hanging heavy in the air. Before them, the massive bronze doors remained unmoved, unmarred, and mocking in their perfection.


The bronze doors yielded with a sound that was less a creak and more a hum like the resonance of a perfectly tuned instrument. Beyond them lay a stairwell, a spiraling throat of white marble that coiled thirty meters into the dark.

Katrina stood back, wiping a smudge of desert grit from her sleeve, though she couldn't hide the gleam of professional pride in her eyes. "Three locks," she murmured, her voice carrying that streetsmart cynicism. "Complex, clean, and utterly devoid of the usual grime. It’s like picking the pocket of a god."

As they descended, the air grew cool and unnervingly still. The "lore" of the place, whispers of those 'solved' out of existence, clung to them like cobwebs. They reached the base of the stairs where a chamber opened, its floor tiled in an intricate, undulating pattern of interlocking snakes.

Cosma stopped, her staff held low. Her red eyes narrowed with the "wildborne" intuition that had saved them in the Tanglewood. "Pressure plates," she warned, the tip of her staff hovering over a serpentine head. "One wrong step and this whole place likely folds like a bad hand at cards," she said to Katrina.

She moved to press the tile, but Calliope’s hand was suddenly on her shoulder, firm and urgent.

"Wait," the Elf whispered. Her highborne bearing was gone, replaced by a scholarly intensity. She reached into her orange pouch and withdrew a small stone carving of a snake, an anchor, older than the memories of men. She held it close to her eye, her lips moving in a light, melodic hum.

The stone snake seemed to pulse. "The melody is... circular," Calliope noted, her voice thin. "Follow the rhythm of the scales."

The others watched as she stepped out into the room from one tile to the next and then they followed, a slow, tense procession. Under each footfall, the granite moved slightly, a heavy, mechanical click that promised a crushing end, but the stones held. They were walking the path of the "Conceptual Truth," and for a moment, the world felt steady beneath them.

At the far end, Katrina made short work of a steel door, her tools singing a metallic song against the tumblers. But the room beyond was no sanctuary.

Flanking the entrance stood two dwarven statues, carved with a brutish, muscular severity, broad shouldered and "beefy," like athletes of some forgotten, violent sport. As the party crossed the threshold, the statues’ stone eyes flared with a dull, inner light.

Simultaneously, a thick, yellow gas began to roll from grates in the wall, smelling of sulfur and stinging salts.

"Observation: Hostile kinetic entities active," Kustos-749 intoned, but even his clinical tone was cut short as one of the statues lunged. A massive stone forearm caught Katrina across the head and chest. She staggered, the air driven from her lungs only to be replaced by the searing, toxic vapor.

"Kat!" Cosma cried, dodging a glancing blow that sent a vibration through her horns. She inhaled a mouthful of the gas, her throat tightening as if she were swallowing glass.

Calliope and Kustos struck back with the synchronized grace of a veteran unit. Kustos’s gladius spun through the air, bouncing off the stone chests of the golems with a series of ringing clangs before returning to his hand. Calliope followed with a shimmering barrage of arcane blades, the magical steel shearing off chips of ancient granite.

Cosma, her face flushed with the effort of breathing, summoned a swarm of fireflies to distract the brutes. But here, near the "Perfect Plane," the magic behaved strangely. As the fireflies should have faded, they didn't vanish; instead, they began to fold in on themselves, collapsing into impossible, geometric tesseract shapes that flickered between existence and the void.

Katrina, shaking off the stars in her vision, saw an opening. She dove behind the statues, her daggers, Quicksilver and Shadowclaw, searching for the joints behind a bronze wrought loincloth.

"Kustos! Now!" she wheezed.

Kustos whispered a prayer to the Iron Citadel, his intent glowing in his eyes. As he distracted the behemoths, Katrina’s blades struck true, carving deep into the stone "tendons."

"I’ve had enough of this!" Cosma hissed. She slammed her staff into the ground, and thick, thorny vines erupted from the marble floor, seizing the great statues' legs in a verdant, crushing grip.

"Back! To the hallway!" Kustos commanded.

They retreated, pulling the wounded Katrina into the clean air of the stairwell. The gas swirled at the threshold but did not cross, and the Dwarven Golems strained against their emerald shackles, unable to follow. From the safety of the corridor, the party finished the constructs with a hail of arrows and magic, until the "rugby players" fell and like the fireflies before, folded in on themselves.... perhaps "shunted" away as Dr. Dee had said.

Katrina leaned against the wall, her blonde fur matted with sweat and dust, her suit torn. She looked shaken, her breathing ragged from the gas.

"You all right, Kat?" Cosma asked softly.

Katrina looked at the next set of locks, then at her trembling hands. "I'm the cleaner, remember?" she said, though her voice lacked its usual predatory bite. "But this place... it’s trying to scrub us away."

The chamber they entered was a stark departure from the clinical geometry of the upper vault. Here, the air was thick with the phantom aroma of roasted barley and fermented hops, a scent that felt almost sacrilegious in a tomb of "Conceptual Truth."

At the center stood a bronze dwarf, his jovial face frozen in an eternal toast, one finger pointing toward a ring of runes etched into the floor: T, F, A, D, R, L, E, B.

"A brewery?" Katrina asked, her voice rasping from the lingering effects of the gas. "The First Men built a masterwork of reality bending architecture to house a pub?"

"Not just a pub," Calliope corrected, her eyes scanning the bas reliefs of mashing vats and iron-hooped casks. "A celebration of process. The craft of creation. Look at the orbs." In each corner, stones the color of straw, amber, and umber sat on pedestals, the palette of the brewmaster.

At the far end, the path was barred by adamantine rods, thick as a goliath’s wrist and driven deep into the bedrock. No hinges. No locks. Just the laughing stone eyes of the dwarves.

"It’s an anagram," Cosma muttered, her fingers twitching with a witch’s impatience. She stepped to the central statue and turned it. A sharp, tactile click echoed through the room as it aligned with the 'A'.

"ALE," shouted Katrina.

"DRAFT," Kustos added, his mechanical mind processing the permutations with a clinical whir.

"DRAFT BARRELS," Calliope sang out, her scholarly intuition bridging the gap. "The double 'R'... handle it like a combination lock! Rotate past the first, then back for the second!"

Katrina’s fingers, though still trembling slightly, followed the instruction with a rogue’s grace. As the final 'S' clicked into place, the adamantine bars slid into the ceiling with a silent, terrifying smoothness. The party cheered, a brief moment of levity in the dark, until they stepped forward.


Four meters past the gate, they hit a wall. A slab of solid, seamless granite reached from floor to ceiling, sealing the passage.

Kustos stepped forward, his red optical sensors scanning the stone. Unknown

The group, exhausted by the desert sun and the guardian’s acid, succumbed to the weight of the vault. They made camp in the shadow of the brewery wall, the scent of phantom ale mocking their dry canteens.

Upon waking, Calliope knelt before the stone. She pressed her palms against the cold granite, closing her eyes to listen for the "echoes" of the past. But what she felt as she cast detect magic, wasn't the resonance of the Vault.

"The Gem of Fire," she whispered, her eyes snapping open wiping around. "The strongest signal I’m getting is coming from Cosma’s belt. Behind us."

She looked at the granite wall, her brow furrowed in elven severity. "I should be feeling the Onyx Sphere. It’s supposed to be a 'Conceptual Truth.' It should be screaming at my senses from the other side of this rock. But there is... nothing."

Cosma closed her eyes, seeking the "wildborne" guidance that usually tasted of forest rain. Instead, her tongue was coated in the cloying, sickly sweetness of overripe figs, a flavor of rot and false promises. A sudden, jarring sensation washed over her, the disorienting fog of entering a room and forgetting why you came.

"We don't need to get in there," Cosma said, her voice sounding hollow, as if she were repeating a line from a play she hadn't rehearsed and the words were staggering from her mouth.

Calliope stood abruptly, her orange pouch swinging. "It’s a feint. This isn't the way to the sphere. This is the 'False Treasure Room.' We walked right past the real door because the Vault wanted us to see this."

A spark of the old "Ferocious" fire returned to Katrina’s eyes, a glint of avarice for the prize they had nearly missed. Kustos, meanwhile, lowered his gladius, his logic centers processing the relief of not having to spend a day chipping at a mountain.

"If the truth is hidden," Katrina purred, her predatory tension returning, "then we just have to find where the lie begins."

The "Perfect Plane" is a place of absolute logic, and as Calliope and Cosma realized, the logic of a vault is to lead the unworthy toward a loud, obvious distraction. They turned their backs on the jovial bronze dwarf and the granite wall, retracing their steps to the room of the "beefy" guardians.

"The gas," Cosma whispered, her red eyes scanning the bronze grates. "It wasn't just a trap. It was a curtain."

With Kustos’s hydraulic strength prying at the perfect black metal, the grates groaned and yielded. Beyond lay a cramped, lightless maintenance crawlway, a space barely a meter square. Cosma, the not the smallest nor the most agile of the three "fleshings," squeezed inside.

The others crowded the opening, providing a flickering halo of light and whispered encouragement. Inside, the air was stale, untouched for centuries. Cosma’s fingers, still sensitive from the hag’s harvesting, tapped rhythmically against the back panel. Tapping... seeking... until the stone gave back a hollow, melodic ring.

The panel slid away. The "False Truth" was behind them; the narrow passage ahead smelled of nothing but cold, ancient stone and the hum of reality held fast.

They emerged into a chamber that lacked the theatricality of the brewery. It was small, circular, and centered upon a single, modest pedestal. Resting atop it was the Black Onyx Sphere. It did not glow; rather, it seemed to drink the light around it, a void of "Conceptual Truth" that made Calliope’s skin prickle with the sensation of a story waiting to be told.

Katrina stepped forward, her blonde fur bristling. Her eyes, sharp and calculating, went immediately to the base of the sphere.

"Pressure plate," she hissed, her voice a low purr of professional focus. "It’s tuned to the ounce. If the weight shifts, the 'solution' Dee warned us about probably triggers."

She reached into her pouch, pulling out a handful of gold coins. With the meticulousness of a surgeon, she began to count them out, matching the visual density of the onyx with the heavy, transactional weight of the gold. The rest of the party held their breath; even Kustos dimmed his ocular sensors to reduce the hum of his cooling fans.

With a blurred motion, Katrina’s hands moved. The sphere was in her palm, and the pile of gold sat in its place.

Silence.

There was no rumble of shifting stone, no click of a resetting trap. Unlike the clumsy raiders of legend, Katrina had played the Vault’s game and won. She tossed the sphere lightly, catching it with a smirk. "The house does NOT always win," she whispered.

They gathered the treasure into the Bagman's bag of holding and then Katrina struck a match and touched it to the wick protruding from the wizard’s shrunken head.

Johnny’s eyes rolled open, the tallow of his brains bubbling once more. "S’alright? S’alright! We go? We go now?"

Cosma, feeling the lingering sting of the desert sun and the exhaustion of the climb, sighed. "Johnny... can you take us to the beach? Somewhere with a breeze and no statues?"

Johnny’s head tilted with a stiff, wooden jerk. "The beach? You sure? Is wet! Is sandy! You want the beach?"

"No!" Kustos-749’s voice boomed, a sudden, authoritative command that vibrated through the small room. Unknown "Not the beach! The Little Shoppe! Return to the Little Shoppe!"

Johnny’s mouth stretched into a wide, puckered grin. "The Shoppe? S’all-right!"

The violet flare consumed them again. The heat of the desert vanished, replaced instantly by the smell of old parchment, lemon oil, and the new fashioned of Michael Korpse who clothes rack was being fussed over by Jeeves.