Dearest Danesca,
I already have a feeling this letter will be both nice and sad, so I want you to read the bad parts only if you feel like you can handle them. But I know you, your curiosity will most likely get the best of you and you'll read it anyway. I warned you, dearest.
It's been almost a week since I wrote the first letter. And three days ago I sent some money home. Did you get it or did my parents? I didn't want to risk anything, so I didn't put any name or message there. I think you should know none of it was stolen, it was just from work. I'll keep sending it here and there, I will try to get as much as possible.
We were celebrating the birthday of one of my traveling friends. It reminded me of you, because I missed yours. I remember I missed the day even, because I lost track of dates. Happy birthday, Danesie. Love you. Hope you had a nice birthday, and I hope my parents got you at least something. You can definitely buy something from the money I'd sent. It might be some time for them to get in the Underdark.
I now need to get to the darker subject. I need to, but you don't have to read this. I need to because you might understand me, you always do. And there's no one else to turn to, they can't understand. The friends I have here., it's getting ridiculous. I'm so stupid. Tell me, why did I think it's a good idea to take a liking to those who'll die so soon? I wasn't thinking about it. And then it was too fucking late. Especially this one friend… Yes, you know what I'm talking about. It's not just a friend to me anymore. There was a kiss. I can't write anything to you. I can't admit anything. Because I was so stupid to fall I'm not that stupid, I can't be. It went too far anyway and there's nothing I can do. You'd tell me what to do. I wish you were here. And I wish I'd never get to like him this much. Maybe it'd be better if I never met any of them. But one of them reminds me of you. It's nice to have you here at least like this.
I can no longer pretend nothing happened. After I did the thing., I never told you, did I? I never told you what Veles wanted from me. I'm not ready to do so. I can't lose you I'm so sorry I don't want you to be disappointed in me, because I did something terrible. But I did it. And I don't remember what I was doing after it, I just remember it hurt a lot and I was sick. But I met these people. With them I didn't feel lost anymore. But now., I was reminded of the terrible thing I did. And I can't tell them in fear I'd hurt them. And I can't tell you for the same reason - I know I can tell you anything, but not this. Not now, and not this way, over a letter. Please tell me it will go aw I wish Why did I I can't take it back. It will always haunt me.
Well I'm continuing on my journey. I'll find Ertherin and bring him home. And it will be like before. The three of us going to the sea and jumping from the cave so high up. And celebrating holidays and birthdays. And just talking. And being together. And we will tell you about all the adventures. And you will tell us you were so brave taking care of our parents. And we all made it.
Otherwise I'm good and we can both get through this, I'm sure of it. I hope you're all doing alright. I'll keep writing until I have a chance to send the letter.
It's too hard today. I want the pain to be over. I just want it to stop, it has to stop. It's too hard, too heavy to bear and I can't keep going on and I can't do anything about it I just watch us all hurt I'm so sorry I left you I miss you so much please be alright and I'm so sorry I'm writing this to you but I can't keep holding on and maybe this letter will get lost and you won't ever read this and maybe the first letter got lost as well and maybe you think I'm dead and maybe I wish I was
Things are not looking good now. It's worse than I could imagine. I'm tired, but I don't want to sleep. But I should. That's what you'd tell me. I will, later. I will continue writing tomorrow. It will be better tomorrow.
I've been writing this letter for days and I still feel like there is still too much to tell you. Or I don't want to send I'm just getting homesick a lot, I miss all of you and I even miss ridiculous things, like the colorful glow of fungi and stones. It's so stupid, isn't it? I'm repeating myself, I'm sorry. And there is definitely one more thing I want to apologize for.
You were left without a letter for months. I'm sorry I hadn't contacted you sooner, I have no reasonable excuse. I just I think I wanted to pretend I don't exist. I was avoiding everything, possibly even myself. I felt like But that's over. I'll be writing from now on. Now we're in a completely different place. I'm getting closer. It's slow, but Ertherin is safe, and even if he wasn't, we both know he can take care of himself.
I know you can take care of yourself as well, I hope you're doing alright. No matter what, do look after yourself. Fuck money, because I'll get more and send it. Just rest, go buy yourself another book once you get the money. Celebrate whatever makes you happy right now. Breathe. Forget about me, if it makes you sad, tear the letter apart, if it makes you mad, it's alright, because I'll send more letters and it's up to, what you do with them. Don't read them, write your thoughts on it, write down your answers to the questions I'm asking here. Do whatever you wish to do. I love you, and I will remind you with every letter. Promise.
May we both feel happines even with miles between us,
your Quor'vlosaba